Remember that most babies recognize and respond to their own names at about 6-7 months old so there’s time to work through any feelings of name regret. In that time, you could love the name you chose or decide that it definitely won’t work and needs to be legally changed.
Baby Name Regret is a Real Thing
Choosing a baby’s name is such an important decision for new parents and it’s a decision that most parents do not take lightly. So what happens if you think you’ve made a mistake with this most-important decision? What if you look at your baby and realize he doesn’t look like a “James”? Or that your baby girl’s personality doesn’t seem to match the name “Audrey”? What if everyone you know has had trouble spelling or pronouncing your baby’s name or the grandparents can’t remember it?
If you have experienced fleeting regret (or persistent regret) about the name you chose for your baby, the first thing to know is that you are not alone. Questioning whether you’ve chosen the “right” name is quite common. In fact, baby name regret or remorse affects somewhere between 10-20% of new parents.
For many, it’s a fleeting feeling that resolves with a little time, but for some the matter of possibly choosing the wrong name is a problem that needs to be solved sooner rather than later. Feelings of shame, embarrassment, anxiety and guilt are typical with naming regret and many parents are ashamed about having these feelings.
What is baby name regret?
Baby name regret is a feeling that you’ve given your baby the wrong name for whatever reason. It can be fleeting and disappear on its own or can be intrusive and persistent, taking over all thoughts. Some common reasons for regret include the feeling that people will mock or bully your child or possibly mispronounce or mis-spell your child’s name for the rest of their lives.
You may feel that a name you chose because of its originality may be too unusual. It’s possible you have the opposite feeling that the name you so carefully considered may be much too common or doesn’t fit your baby now that you’ve had a chance to see your baby and get to know him/her. One of the top reasons for name regret is realizing a name has become too popular!
Is it truly regret or something else?
While both Moms and Dads can suffer from baby name regrets, if you’re a Mom who has intense feelings of regret along with symptoms like crying, anger, depression or fear that continue beyond a few weeks after you give birth, you may want to speak to your doctor about your feelings and whether treatment for post-partum depression is appropriate.
Hormone fluctuations and depression post-partum can magnify worries and negative feelings about many things in general. For Moms who receive treatment, feelings of name regret may be alleviated- or you may get more clarity about moving forward with a name change for your baby.
What if feelings of regret persist?
If you have very serious reservations about the name you’ve given your child, remember it IS okay to change it. In a Nameberry study about baby name regret, about 8% of parents who felt regret over their name choice ended up legally changing their baby’s name. If a change of name is in order, you’ll want to start the process as soon as possible.
The process of changing a child’s name will vary depending on the laws from state to state, but in many states you can change your baby’s name with greater ease if you do so in the first 6-12 months. Some states will require a court order regardless of how much time has passed since your baby’s birth and if you’ve already applied for a Social Security card for your baby, you’ll need to process a name change with the Social Security Administration as well. Check with your state’s Office of Vital Records for the process where you live.
Give yourself some grace.
Remember that most babies recognize and respond to their own names at about 6-7 months old so there’s time to work through any feelings of name regret. In that time, you could love the name you chose or decide that it definitely won’t work and needs to be legally changed. Maybe there’s a nickname for your little one that everyone can love and agree with?
Whichever path you take, don’t be too hard on yourself about any perceived “mistakes” with the name you’ve chosen and do give yourself some grace. This fleeting period of time will fade into a distant memory and someday be a part of your family’s unique story.
